Aliens and Freaks
by Right-2-Left
Summary: Mertle Edmonds can't watch Sci-Fi anymore. Oneshot.


**Rated: T  
**

**Warning(s): Crossover (Lilo and Stitch & Avengers (film only)), AU, femslash, violence, coarse language  
**

_Director Fury, Agent Coulson, S.H.I.E.L.D. etc. are Marvel's property. Stitch, Lilo, Mertle and co. are the property of Disney. I am merely playing in the sandboxes._

**Synopsis: Mertle Edmonds can't watch Sci-Fi anymore. [Oneshot]  
**

* * *

**Aliens and Freaks  
**

**New York, New York : September 26, 2004**

Mertle Edmonds juggled a latte, her purse, the leash for Gigi, and her apartment keys as she grabbed the muffin handed to her by the barista. Quickly, she darted out of the café that, thankfully, allowed dogs, and nearly tripped over a blue…_thing_.

Wait.

No.

Oh fuck no.

Mertle's eyes went buggy as she stared at the fuzzy blue creature attempting to masquerade as a dog, or a koala, or an otter or something. Gigi yapped and almost immediately the blue thing "barked" in response. Mertle was not about to call that sound an actual bark. Stitch was not an actual dog and therefore, by her definition, did not bark.

"Mertle?"

Lilo sounded as surprised as Mertle felt. Mertle looked up from Stitch and Gigi, fighting the urge to tug Gigi away from Stitch because she actually was sort of curious as to how, exactly, someone like Lilo wound up in New York. Mertle thought of New York as a tad more cultured and urban than Lilo would ever be. It was _her_ place. Not Lilo and her freaky, domineering aliens' place.

Okay, so Gigi was an alien too but that was beside the point. Gigi at least looked normal and behaved like an Earth dog and, most importantly, was _Mertle's_.

"Oh wow!" Lilo exclaimed, jumping up in her boots – they looked like combat boots and they were _purple_ to Mertle's utter displeasure. "This is..." Lilo seemed to realize that Mertle was still attempting to process the whole Lilo + Stitch + New York = Right Here Right Now, and trailed off awkwardly. "Um…hi, Mertle."

"Lilo," Mertle said warily, scanning Lilo's attire. Along with the purple combat boots she was wearing a pair of jean shorts, a t-shirt with a picture of some comic book character on it atop a long-sleeved white t-shirt, an Elvis wristwatch, a black hemp choker interlaced with some cute blue stones, and her hair was in the same style she had in high school. Sleek and shiny perfectly straight black hair that fell just past her shoulders and was paired with thick bangs; Mertle was always jealous with how straight and sleek Lilo's hair could get. Her own was a mass of virtually uncontrollable red frizz and curls and it had taken her until a couple months ago to finally say 'fuck it' and just apply her curly-hair special products and let her curls do as they wished.

"Um…" Lilo scanned Mertle, looking for some clue as to why she was here. A pair of boots that were definitely high-end, some nice dark blue skinny jeans paired with a green blouse underneath a light gray sweater. A shiny bag that Lilo did not know the designer of, but was certain it was expensive and purchased with the brand in mind, and a pair of bangles played off Mertle's blue-framed eyeglasses and two shining silver rings with pretty gemstones pressed into them. Her hair was gorgeous, bright red and curling around her face confidently; it was as if she carried around her own sun. She couldn't see anything that identified why Mertle was here though.

"What are you doing here?" Mertle hissed, tugging on Gigi's leash to pull the illegal alien genetic experiment away from her cousin, Stitch.

"I live here," Lilo answered with a frown, no longer under the belief that she was the best of friends with Mertle Edmonds. They had never been friends but had lived in the same small town for their entire lives and were with each other all through school. It was expected that they at least be cordial to each other, especially since they were no longer kids, and one was no longer trying to deal with the death of her parents while the other was no longer trying to deal with her father leaving the family for no apparent reason.

Granted, they were both still dealing with their separate family issues, but the wounds were not as fresh as they were all those years ago.

"You _live_ here?" Mertle repeated, sounding genuinely upset about it.

"I…I'm sorry?" Lilo offered.

Mertle's eyes narrowed, "Just don't bring your weirdness here. New York is normal."

"_New York?_"

Mertle huffed, seeing Lilo's point, New York was so big it could never really be truly _normal_, "I mean the not-of-this planet kind of weirdness. Men in Black and all that freaky stuff. And don't even mention Gigi. She's normal. That," she pointed at Stitch, "is not."

Stitch glared at her. Mertle glared right back.

"You live here too?" inquired Lilo, tugging on the ever-hated leash worn by Stitch.

"I'm going to school here," Mertle explained, straightening up and ceasing her rubbing of her blue-painted nails on Gigi's leash.

"Really? I think I…what are you studying?"

"Electrical Engineering."

Lilo raised an eyebrow, "…I thought you wanted to get into real estate."

"Yeah, when I was _seven_," Mertle snorted, "what'd you want to be when you were seven? A vampire?"

"Zombie, actually."

"That is so creepy."

Lilo shrugged, unbothered by the idea, "I'm going to school here too."

"NYU?"

"Yeah, I'm studying politics though so it's no wonder we haven't seen one another."

"Out of all the universities in the world you chose NYU."

"I can do my job better from here."

"Right, you're an ambassador or something."

"Er…yeah. Planet's ambassador, and they're helping to pay tuition so long as I study something that's relevant to my job so…"

"That's the only reason you're studying Poli-Sci?"

"No. I like it too."

"That is weirder than him," Mertle pointed to Stitch. "Thought you'd go into like…the Study of Supernatural Creatures or something."

Lilo snorted, "I could teach that."

Mertle grimaced, "God, I actually believe you could."

"Um…do you want to come to my apartment? I have some leftover cake from a friend's birthday."

"Ah, no, I'm heading home right now…" awkwardly, Mertle began nudging around Lilo, "my girlfriend is planning…something for a…"

Lilo turned, watching as Mertle took a few steps backward then turned and began scurrying away from her and Stitch, Gigi close at her heels. Lilo glanced down at Stitch, "Did you know she went to school here?"

Stitch shook his head.

"Huh." Lilo turned back around, "So where was that bookstore?"

_BOOM!_

Lilo and Stitch whirled around, their eyes widening as the building down the street went up in flames. People screamed and ran and Lilo was suddenly incredibly grateful for her training as she unhooked Stitch's leash and let him run ahead while she flattened herself against the windows of the café to keep from being trampled.

Meanwhile, Mertle groaned, rolling onto her right side and abruptly crying out as her left side screamed in pain. She stilled immediately, suddenly very aware of the blood dripping down her left side.

_Fuck._

Gigi was still yapping so Mertle considered that a good sign.

Wait. No. That was Gigi's Yes-I-Am-A-Guard-Dog-Bitch yapping.

Not a good sign.

Mertle lifted her head, ignoring the blood staining her hair, and suddenly recalled a medley of moments back in Kokaua Town where she found herself in the middle of situations she would have sworn only occurred in sci-fi shows. An alien eating a carnival is particularly prevalent.

The violent swears that ripped through her head upon registering what she was staring at would probably make her mother keel over.

The creature was massive – not as large as that Gantu guy, but still pretty damn big – and winged and purple and had talons and she was reasonably certain that she would never be able to eat an orange again because he smelled like that and god-fucking-dammit things were freaky enough as it was. She promptly screamed, "LILO! I SWEAR THESE THINGS FOLLOW YOU!"

She was not dying today just because of some giant-winged-purple guy wielding a massive sword that probably weighed more than she did. She was going to go home, eat leftovers, and watch a comedy with her girlfriend – she hadn't been able to watch sci-fi or fantasy since she was 7. She always wound up shaking too much. She thought it was because of some sort of PTSD thanks to all of the alien encounters, including that one alien abduction. Whatever. Point was, she wanted to be normal for once in her life. She wasn't made to deal with a freakshow of aliens.

There was no way she was going to die at the sword of a giant-winged-purple alien. Hell. No.

Hopping and yapping and biting at the alien's ankles was Gigi, with her little pink bow bouncing in her fur. Mertle was beyond unimpressed by that fact.

"No, Gigi, down girl," Mertle demanded, not particularly wanting to see what would happen to Gigi if the alien guy decided he didn't much like being irritated by the small fuzzball. "_Down._"

Gigi settled slightly, still growling at the alien guy but at least closer to her than him.

Mertle pushed herself up onto her hands and knees, really hoping that Lilo and Stitch were going to get their asses over her soon. She was studying to be an electrical engineer, not someone who defeated aliens on a weekly basis. She had very little experience in defeating aliens. She had plenty of experience interacting with them – Gigi, mostly – and running away from them, but with her side screaming at her every two seconds she rather doubted she could run, and Gigi wasn't like Stitch. She was not an illegal alien genetic experiment the size of a Chihuahua who could lift a fully-grown woman. Gigi could not lift a fully-grown woman.

The alien said something in a voice that was surprisingly high-pitched. Mertle looked at him sharply, her eyes wide, not surprised that she couldn't understand him, but pretty thrown by the pitch of his voice. She doubted that _she_ could make her voice hit that high of a pitch.

A blue fuzz ball careened over her head and despite the fact that Stitch was creepy-beyond-all-comprehension Mertle felt relief spread through her bones. Stitch collided with the alien, sending both of them crashing through a wall, and Mertle – having been in enough of these situations before and seen enough horror movies – did not bother staying in stunned silence to watch the fight like one of this idiots in those films who always wound up either dying or having to be rescued by some guy. She got to her feet, and grabbed Gigi's leash as she staggered to the nearest chunk of rock that was once a wall. She breathed shallowly in an attempt to not move her torso that much and pressed her free hand against her left side. Fuck, there was definitely metal in there.

"Mertle!"

Mertle was torn between being furious at Lilo for bringing the aliens into her life and relieved for Lilo knowing some first-aid thanks to her frequent altercations with aliens. She compromised and just glared at Lilo.

"What-"

"Your freaky friends," Mertle snapped. "Don't touch me!"

"I'm trying to help you, Mertle!" Lilo snapped back, shooting a stubborn glare at her.

Mertle glowered but allowed Lilo to help her away from the destroyed building.

"Do you know how many people were by you?" Lilo questioned as she helped Mertle sit on the sidewalk, wincing.

Mertle instantly felt sick at the thought. She shut her eyes tightly, focused on breathing, and said, "I don't know."

She had forgotten. She hadn't even...she just needed to get her and Gigi out of there and..._fuck._

"Okay, that's fine. Just, here," Lilo said, tearing something and then pressing it against Mertle's side, "keep pressure on it. I need to go back and get anyone else out. Understand?"

"Fuck you."

Lilo apparently took that as an agreement because when Mertle opened her eyes Lilo was gone, and Mertle realized for the first time that her left lens was missing.

Well, now Lilo owed her a replacement set of glasses.

"Excuse me, Miss Edmonds?"

Mertle shot a glare that could burn right through the Agent she only knew the first name of thanks to the wonders of small-town gossip and extremely talkative alien sandwich shop owners. To his credit, Agent Phil Coulson didn't flinch. Instead, he crouched next to her and explained, "Don't worry, these paramedics will take care of you perfectly. But I have to ask you-" he paused as she hissed at the paramedic who crouched next to her and decided to make her side hurt more, "what you saw."

"An alien, obviously," Mertle shot another glare at him, one that was more exasperated than the last. "Do your debriefing thing later Phil, I'm in pain."

He didn't seem pleased about that idea, but nodded sharply and stood.

"Sir!" another agent in a suit shouted as Coulson turned from her. "Fury's down!"

Who the fuck was Fury? Another alien?

She wound up second to the guy named Fury. He was some guy in charge who had gotten swiped across the face by the alien guy's claws. His face was gross, to put it lightly, and Mertle could understand why he got to go before she did. At least her wound wasn't particularly deep, just gross. His was by his brain. Hers was just by her, well, ribcage, kidneys…lots of important stuff, but hers was really nothing but a scratch when compared to his wound.

Mertle decided to ignore the glimpse she had gotten of his face – hello nightmares – and instead focus on the painkillers and dream about Reality TV.

Reality. _Psh._ Reality wouldn't recognize her now. She was actually calm about nearly dying courtesy of some alien with a grudge against Earth. It helped that most of the other people around her were alright. The few that did die died in the explosion instantly so there was nothing she could do. Regardless, she was still calm about nearly dying courtesy of an alien. That was not what reality was supposed to be.

While recovering, she threw a book at the television when a Reality TV show came on. Her girlfriend walked in on her sobbing into her pillow about how nothing was ever going to be normal for her and how much it sucked and wasn't supposed to happen and god she hated everything.

Lilo visited a day after that and while Mertle knew that Lilo was genuinely sorry about everything that had happened to her, to everyone, Mertle couldn't get rid of her scowl. She just wanted to be normal. Just one month. One stinking month without aliens-that-weren't-Gigi. One stinking month without being concerned about interplanetary relations because if Lilo fucked up then she fucked up the entire planet and Mertle did not want to be on the planet when – if – that happened.

"I know you didn't ask for this," Lilo had said.

The thought didn't cross Mertle's mind that Lilo might not have asked for it either, because Mertle knew Lilo. Lilo had asked for the aliens and the freaks. Even if Lilo hadn't wanted the hurt and fear that went along with it, Mertle knew, oh Mertle knew that Lilo had wanted the aliens and the freaks. She always did.

Maybe it was partly her fault. She knew she shouldn't have teased Lilo so soon after the death of her parents. She knew that she shouldn't have ostracized the girl when they were kids. She knew that she shouldn't have been so condescending, but she couldn't help it, that was what she did. She was condescending by nature. But maybe if she wasn't then Lilo wouldn't have wanted the aliens and the freaks to come and be her friends, because if Mertle hadn't done all that shit to Lilo and made her a pariah in their own town, maybe she would have had normal friends and been normal.

Of course, when that thought crossed Mertle's mind Lilo took off her jacket to reveal a t-shirt proudly exclaiming that she had been abducted by aliens.

Mertle changed her mind. Sure, she had been a pretty awful person to Lilo, but Lilo hadn't exactly been an angel to her either. (She still had a scar from when Lilo had punched her in middle school and had been wearing a ring at the time.) It wasn't because of her that Lilo was so interested in all of that weird stuff with aliens and vampires and zombies. That was just Lilo.

Lilo had asked for the aliens and freaks. But she had been just a kid. She hadn't realized the full extent of the chaos and terror and hurt and responsibility that went along with the aliens and freaks. Mertle hadn't realized that either.

"We were just kids, we didn't ask for this shit," Mertle commented.

Lilo seemed to understand and shrugged, "Yeah, sorry, again." She paused, then promptly broke the awkward silence, "Wanna watch a movie? I swear there's no sci-fi or fantasy."

Mertle sighed and gestured to the TV, "Sure, whatever."

She was surprised Lilo remembered that she hated sci-fi and fantasy. She had told her that years ago in a shouting match in the middle of school. Come to think of it, a week later Lilo had punched her and given her that scar.

Mertle wondered if Lilo remembered that too.

* * *

**A/N: **I was curious about Mertle and getting frustrated with my massive stories, so I wrote this in about a half-hour. I did not intend for it to turn all introspective at the end there, that just sort of happened.


End file.
